Mutual masturbation is exactly what it sounds like: masturbating together with someone else! (Or several someones, if that’s your jam.) Mutual masturbation gives each participant full control over their own pleasure.
Just because you’re not touching (or you’re touching less) doesn’t mean it’s not sex! Consent is still paramount – make sure you’re clearly communicating your intentions and expectations.
Mutual masturbation is great if you’re playing long distance, with a new partner, or you want to limit physicality. But there are tons of other reasons you might want to indulge…
- You get to define mutual masturbation for yourself.
What’s the difference between “regular” sex and mutual masturbation? Well, that’s up to you. Maybe it means you and your partner(s) don’t touch at all. Maybe it means you’re the only one stimulating your genitals, but your partner(s) can kiss and touch above the waist. Maybe it means you’re in separate rooms on a video call, or on opposite ends of the couch, or cuddled up close under the covers. Maybe it means you take turns being the focus, and “help” finish each other off.
What do you imagine when you think of yourself and your partner(s) masturbating together? Is it a specific act? Is it performing for each other? What does your partner think of? A great way to start is to swap fantasies and ideas. You’ll never know until you get to talkin’!
- You can show partners how to please you.
One of the best ways to teach is by example!
Masturbating together allows you to show your partner(s) your body and its needs and preferences. Where and how you like to be touched, how you like to use your sex toys, how quickly or slowly you like to finish, what new fantasies or interests have been on your mind for exploration… Your body and how to like to use it is always changing. It’s an incredibly intimate thing to teach your partner(s) new things about yourself – and learn from them in return.
- Mutual masturbation takes less energy.
Even if you’re too exhausted for a rowdy session between the sheets, you can still experience pleasure and intimacy.
Mutual masturbation is generally less physically and emotionally demanding than other forms of partnered sex. This makes it an appealing option for folks who feel depleted from stress, family obligations, overstuffed schedules, illness, etc. Sex that requires less energy can be just as sexy, passionate, and affectionate as high energy sex – it’s just less taxing on the participants.
Sitting side by side on the couch, wand vibrators in hand, to watch something saucy on Netflix? Very chill. Snuggling and indulging in some sleepy self-lovin’? What a hot, relaxing way to unwind and fall asleep. If one of you is too tired or sore to participate, you can always watch – or be watched – like it’s a sexy afternoon daydream.
- It encourages dirty talk.
Mutually masturbating usually means your hands are busy with yourself… but your mouth is still free to engage with your partner(s)!
Whether you’re a well-practiced filth talker who just wants some undivided attention for your dirty diatribes, or you’re usually too shy or distracted to offer up some horny commentary, mutual masturbation is often the ideal act for extra chatter. Share your fantasies, tell your partner(s) what’s hot about them touching themselves, describe what you’d be doing to them if you were more hands-on right now…
- Having new or unique sex toy experiences.
You can use sex toys during any kind of sex, of course. But they’re such a great addition to mutual masturbation.
Have you ever been frustrated by the Magic Wand Rechargeable getting in the way during penetrative sex? Or been too distracted to fully enjoy the Hot Octopuss Jett? Your solo time favorites can be enjoyed unencumbered even when masturbation is a shared experience.
You can also grab a remote or app controlled sex toy to use together. Whether you explore mutual edging or orgasm control/denial, turn it into a race, or just take the opportunity to experiment with new sensations or pacing to get the most out of your session – swapping remotes means you’ll have a lot of potential in your hands.
- Anyone can enjoy it.
Mutual masturbation is an ideal choice for people playing long distance. But you can enjoy it up close too – and there’s plenty of reasons people choose it over more “traditional” forms of sex!
Maybe you’re not interested in direct physical contact because you’re with a new partner, you’re taking your time with sex after physical assault, or you’re not sure of your STI status. Maybe you have mobility limitations, sensory sensitivities, or you struggle with chronic pain. Maybe you’re freezing and want to stay under the covers, or it’s sweltering outside and you don’t want to swap sweat. Maybe you’re not as sexually compatible with your partner as you presumed, but you still want to enjoy each other – on your own terms.