Long distance sex toys aren’t just for long distance relationships anymore: as we’ve found ourselves thrown into post-COVID reality, more couples are unable to see each other regularly. Long-distance Bluetooth vibes are one way to bridge the gap, to fill a need for intimacy while apart. Or, if you’ve found yourself with more free time during quarantine, brushing up your communication, sexy pic, and sexting game is another hot way to pass the time—whether you’re together, or far away from your partner.

For all the separated couples out there, this article will focus on long-distance sex toys—for the thrill of an intimate connection. I’ll also give tips on communicating what you need while apart, and connecting a more “old-fashioned” way, with sexy texts. And because long-distance can’t be forever, we’ll end with the dream: seeing your partner again, and what you’re gonna do then.

What Do You Want? Expressing Expectations

Especially when separated from a partner, checking in is important! You have to think about what each person needs. And how that need might be met from a distance.

Having a clear discussion upfront can help avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Consider:

• Ideally, how often (and for how long) do you want to talk with your partner?
• And how many times a week would you like to video-call (FaceTime, Skype, Zoom, etc.) with them?
• Do you want to do sex long-distance? Via phone sex, or with video too?
• Are random sexts during the day something you’re interested in? (Will that work with your schedule?)

Is routine comforting to you? If so, work to get into a standard check-in time with your partner. If your schedule changes suddenly one day, let them know what’s going on.

It’s true: Some people want more sex when they’re stressed, some people want less. And this is a stressful time we’re living in. Desire may not be as high, and that’s important to understand.

But (almost) everyone wants to feel cared for, in one way or another. So ask yourselves: How are you supporting each other?

If you are still wanting to sex it up long-distance, certain toys can make that easier—plus be a way to check in on each other.

Long-Distance Sex Toys for Couples

Sex toys for long distance couples have come a long way in the past few years. Apps are more functional, more feature-packed, and more visually appealing; and vibrator makers are working on improving Bluetooth vibrator connectivity. For example, We-Vibe’s We-Connect app now includes in-app video chat, possible while the vibrator’s being controlled.   

These Bluetooth vibrators aren’t simply long-distance relationship sex toys, of course: they can easily be used in the bedroom (like traditional remote-control vibes) or for public play (once, you know, we start being gather publicly again).

So what are the best long-distance vibrators?

We-Vibe is a long-time leader in the field, with a range of long distance app-controllable vibes from butt plugs to cock rings, from a rabbit to a wand vibrator. And We-Vibe toys have a well-deserved reputation for strength, too. I personally own hundreds of sex toys, and 2 of my top 5 favorites are newer We-Vibe products:

• We-Vibe Melt: You’re not going to want to miss this one if you like mind-blowing clit stimulation. Take a Womanizer, make it slimmer so it’ll fit into vaginal sex better, make the mouth softer & more forgiving, and make it app-controllable? Melt is almost too good to be true.
• We-Vibe Wand: The rumbliest wand vibrator out there, We-Vibe’s Wand has an adjustable toggle switch—so you have a lot more speed options than with a Magic Wand Original. And (unlike Magic Wands), its waterproof for wetter play, like in the shower. Splash!

Tip: If your We-Vibe toy doesn’t immediately pair with the We-Connect app, try holding down the toy’s (+) or power button for about 10 seconds. This will reset it and allow it to sync afterward.

OhMiBod also makes high-quality vibrators, which have the added benefit to linking to the FeelMe Connect app if you want to sync to VR porn or a Fleshlight Launch. Check out:

• OhMiBod Esca 2: A wearable bullet vibe / “love egg” that’s super-fun to wear during the day, and even sync to music playing around you. (I mean, you’ve gotta do something to spice up your stay-at-home routine, right?!) OhMiBod began by making “Club” vibrators, for wearing at dance clubs, so the music feature is a stand-out here.

So how do long-distance sex toys work?

1. To connect a vibrator to Bluetooth, first download the vibe company’s app. These are always free in the App Store/Google Play. The app name (like We-Connect or OhMiBod) will be clearly indicated in the vibe’s packaging and in the instructions.
2. Then sync the toy to its app. The vibe-haver will need to turn on the vibrator, open the app, and follow the app’s directions for syncing.
3. The vibe-haver’s phone acts as a Bluetooth antenna. Both partners will need their phone’s Bluetooth turned on, plus working cellular service. If you’ve got that, it doesn’t matter how far apart partner #1 and partner #2 are!
4. The vibe-haver (partner #1) sends their partner a pairing request. This can be done via text, email, or more unique options like Google Hangouts depending on the vibrator app.
5. Partner #2 clicks on the link to accept the request.
6. Once both partners are in, they can explore connection options. Try out chat (We-Vibe & OhMiBod), voice call (We-Vibe & OhMiBod), and video call (We-Vibe).
7. Partner #1 can give vibe control over to partner #2 at any time. Once control is released, the second person has full control over the vibrator and can change functions and increase/decrease the vibrator intensity. Play with dominance and submission, or simply use the vibe as a tool to get off whenever the vibe-haver is ready.

This may sound a little technical right now, but these apps are meant to be user-friendly. Each Bluetooth vibrator comes with a clear instruction manual, or just download the app and follow the clear prompts.

Sexting Quick Primer!

Every long-distance vibrator app includes a chat function, so it’s worth working on your sexting game before vibe control begins—or do it the old-fashioned way, via text message!

The best sexting is an erotic exchange. A dialogue about desire. How much do you want the other person, and what do you want to do to them right now?

You don’t have to be Shakespeare. what’s important is expressing what you want to do, how turned on you are, and listening to your partner’s response. Both partners do need to be willing to express their desire in writing. To think about what they’re wanting and feeling, and put it in words.

Start with Desire

What is a good sexting opening line? Let’s look at two lines and see which is more of a turn-on:

1. “I wish you were lying next to me right now. What would we do next?”
2. “What would you do if you were here?”

I don’t know about you, but I’d pick #1 hands-down because it puts a specific image in my mind (lying in bed next to the other person), plus it lets me know they care enough to want me there with them.

So express your desire first, then build from there…

Continuing the Conversation... 

It’s easy to get stalled in a sexting exchange. What do I say next?? Am I boring them??? are questions that the more anxious among us can easily find ourselves wondering.

You don’t have to invent the greatest unheard-of sex position ever, but creativity helps spice it up sometimes. Be random. Imagine something new, maybe even a little forbidden—something you might not even do in real life. (Sex in public, anyone?) Ask your partner if they like the idea of, say, having sex on a balcony. Then talk it through...keep playing out your sexy scenario.

Out of ideas? Remember what you liked doing to them before! Remind them of how much you enjoyed performing a particular sex act on them in the past.

Plus, nothing helps with feeling good like an awesome compliment. Explain how you like seeing a certain body part of theirs, or how good you think they’d look in certain underwear.

Random Pics? 

Since many of us are sexting but not meeting up right now, the exchange might feel a little incomplete if it’s left hanging…if there’s no chance for an orgasmic finale. Sexting is pretty likely to lead to sexy pics, and you may want to conclude by mutually masturbating on a video call.

Why not lead up to it with a line like, “Do you want to see how much I want you / how wet I am for you right now?”

Planning for the Next Time

In the end, I think we need to be realistic and admit that if you are strongly bonded to someone, being separated can feel tough. There’s no true substitute for a simple hug.

So, instead of focusing on what’s lacking, dream up what might you might do in the future. Where are you going to out for dinner and drinks? What will you eat? Will you fly somewhere tropical, take a fun road trip, or just chill together and have a latte at Starbucks? Anticipation is exciting and helps us stay positive.

Conclusion

Every couple is unique just like every person is unique. So figuring out what you and your partner need to make it work while you can’t see each other will probably be a learning process. And it’s OK to figure it out as you go along.

As long as you’re connecting—via phone calls, video chats, long-distance toys, and/or sexting—then you’re keeping it alive. Supporting each other, and staying well.

Phallophile Reviews explores and ranks body-safe silicone sex toys, from thrusting dildos to G-spot vibes to suction cup positions and more! Follow the author, Felicity, on Insta or Twitter for the latest toy adventures.