Sex toys are incredible, often life-changing tools. Those of us with a collection of our own can attest to how useful sex toys can be for partnered sex, satisfying masturbation, and self-care. Sex toys can make great gifts – especially for folks who haven’t yet tried out sexcessories for themselves.
If you’re planning to give the gift of self-exploration (and potentially orgasms) to a friend or partner, that’s awesome! But there are a couple of things you should keep in mind as you shop.
And if you’re not sure what toy you should buy them, don’t worry – we’ve got some great recommendations for beginners!
Do you have the receiver’s consent?
It’s not okay to “surprise” someone with something sexual. Spontaneity doesn’t mean forgoing consent! Don’t touch someone without their consent, don’t send someone pictures or tell them illicit thoughts without their consent, and don’t give them sexual gifts without their consent. Even if they’re your sex positive BFF! You need to make sure they’re enthusiastically receptive to the idea first.
You don’t have to spoil the gift. You just have to make sure someone is open to receiving a sex toy. Here are a few examples:
- “There’s a new sex toy I’ve read great reviews of that I think you’d like. Is it okay if I buy you one as a gift?”
- “So hey… how do you feel about getting a sex toy this year?”
- “I’m thinking something sex positive for your present this year. Is a sex toy okay?”
- “I want to give you some self-care stuff to help you get through the rest of 2020. That includes a sex toy I think you’ll enjoy. Does that sound good?”
What does the receiver actually want?
While giving gifts brings us a lot of joy, the purpose of a present is the receiver’s joy. When shopping for sex toys for consenting pals or partners, make sure you keep their desires in mind. If someone asks for a discreet vibrator and you buy them a big dildo, you’ll both be disappointed when the wrapping paper comes off.
If your bestie wants something they can enjoy simultaneously with a partner, you’ll want to look into couples’ vibes like the We-Vibe Chorus or Wet For Her RockHer. If your play partner wants to try something kinky, an introductory bondage kit like the Liberator Black Wedge and Cuffs or Rianne S Kinky Me Softly Collection is a great place to start.
It’s also important to remember that most of us didn’t start out with a Magic Wand. Someone’s first sex toy doesn’t need to be the most powerful tool available – it needs to be something accessible and versatile.
What’s the most versatile option?
Bodies are unique, and the kinds of sensations we enjoy vary. When introducing someone to the endless possibilities of sex toys, it’s important to make sure you consider what kinds of sensations that person will enjoy.
For example, folks often assume everyone with a vulva enjoys vibrators. But many folks prefer air pulsation or gentle friction-based toys. Even those of us who like vibrators have distinct preferences: some like it buzzy and shallow, or deep and rumbly; some need incredibly strong vibrations, and some want something gentle.
You can try to predict what’s most likely to please someone based on their non-toy pleasure preferences. Do they enjoy soft, gentle pressure on their vulva? The Iroha Plus Kushi might be ideal. Do they like to concentrate on the head of their penis when masturbating or receiving a handjob? Maybe they’ll like the Hot Octopuss Jett!
If you’re not sure (or you want to play it safe), my recommendation is to find a versatile sex toy that offers multiple stimulation options. Here are some suggestions:
- The Noje Mini Wand + Noje Wand Attachments: This palm-sized mini wand has a range of rumbly vibrations, so whether the receiver prefers mild vibrations or something much stronger, there’s 5 settings to choose from. The 2 additional heads give them more options to explore!
- Lush Juna: This ultra-pinpoint vibe has 4 optional attachments made of soft, squishy silicone. The receiver can experiment with different textures and sensations, or experience the Juna’s targeted tip.
- Pillow Talk Sassy: Sassy is a g-spot vibe, it’s also a great choice for clitoral use! Sassy doesn’t restrict you to set speeds – you can increase the power incrementally by holding the button, so it’s exactly as strong as the user needs.
- Rocks-Off Silhouette: This kit includes a battery-operated bullet vibrator and two removable sleeves. The rabbit sleeve has little ears that can hug your clit, or a pushy face that can be nuzzled close for extra pressure.
- Man Wand: This wand vibrator was designed for penises! The receiver can stroke their length with a pair of silicone wings, cup their head with the toy’s wings, or use the wand head’s broad side to rub and tease.
- Firefly Moon Stroker: While Firefly has several anatomically realistic strokers, this one is plain to suit anyone’s preference! It’s super soft, easy to clean, and glows in the dark – what more can a giftee ask for?
- PDX Elite Vibrating Silicone Stimulator: This vibrating stroker is flexible so it can fit a variety of penis sizes. The receiver can use the soft, ribbed silicone stroker with or without the included bullet vibe while they explore what literally tickles their fancy.
- Temptasia Twist Kit: The smallest dildo in this set of 3 is thinner than a finger, so it’s perfect for penetration beginners. These dildos are flexible, lightly ribbed, and have strong suction cups, which make experimenting even more fun as they work up sizes.
- Uberrime Splendid Small: The Splendid is one of the best-reviewed g-spot/prostate dildos. The small is ideal for a first dildo, but the Splendid also comes in Medium and Large for folks with plenty of penetration experience.
- Njoy Steel Fun Wand: This heavy steel dildo has 2 unique ends: beads for satisfying pops of sensation, or a curved end with a prominent head for targeted stimulation.
- Mood Naughty Trainer Kit or Anal Exerciser Kit: These sets include 3 tapered plugs that gradual size up to accompany the receiver on their anal pleasure explorations. The plugs are tapered for easier insertion, and they have t-shaped bases, which are comfortable between cheeks of all sizes.
- b-Vibe Education & Training Kit: Pricey, but this gift set isn’t just butt plugs – it’s a whole butt stuff class in a box! 3 plugs of increasing sizes and different sensations, an enema bulb if they decide “cleaning out” is right for them, lube shooters to ease the way, and a guide booklet on butt play!
- Peepshow Toys Bundles: These Peepshow-curated bundle deals include a variety of toys paired together for a uniquely pleasurable experience.
- Gift sets: Whether it’s collections of flavored massage oils, bondage sets, or advent calendars, gift sets offer a stress-free box of pleasure – designed to be given to a loved one!