Staying in is sexy.
In the privacy of your own home, you can transition right from dinner to the real desert. You don’t have to chase down the check or drive all the way home before you can unwind and undress. In fact, you can do both during an in-home date, because there’s nobody there to scandalize. (Assuming, of course, that you can get a sitter or send any housemates out. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you!)
But what to do during a night in? The possibilities are endless. To help inspire you, I’ve assembled 3 potential dates – and why they’re simple yet sexy…
Vulnerable Date: Dinner and a show.
There’s no shortage of romantic movies featuring cooking scenes. These moments often emphasize the sexy possibilities of food prep:
Holding out a spoon for a sensual taste test, soft moans emphasized with eye contact. Getting messy with ingredients, leaving an adorable (and lickable) smudge on someone’s cheek or nose. Making out while waiting for things to cook (and being distracted until a smoke alarm is triggered.)
It’s no surprise these tropes are so popular. They’re fun, sexy, and relatable. Cooking together is a great date idea. But our version is just a pinch spicier: cooking something completely new together... naked.
Being naked with your partner(s) is thrilling all on its own, especially in an environment you might not often visit in your birthday suit. But it’s also a little dangerous. You have to be even more mindful of hot surfaces, dripping ingredients, and utensils that rival a proper spanking paddle. Being cautious makes you hyper aware of your nudity – and your partner’s watchful eye.
Being vulnerable and exposed can be exciting. (Especially if you’re accessorizing with a butt plug, chastity cage, nipple clamps, or posture collar.) Every time you bend over to check the oven or reach up to look through a cupboard, you’re showing off without trying. And your date is enjoying dinner and a show.
If you don’t already have a new recipe in mind, Google is your friend here. Whether you search “new simple recipe ideas” or “recipe from ingredients I already have” (which will save you a trip to the store), there will be plenty of results to help you pin down the ideal dish.
Competitive Date: Playing dirty.
This date is for those of us who enjoy a good-natured struggle for dominance… and it’s sexy right from the start.
First, pick your gaming media of choice. Whether you’re playing a card game for two (like Couch Skeletons or Scrimish) or picking up your Joy-Cons and waging war in Mario Kart, it should be something where you’re challenging your partner(s) rather than working together. Co-op games can be a great bonding experience (Stardew Valley, anybody?), but the point of this date isn’t just quality time – it’s to turn up the heat with some competition.
Once you’re ready to duke it out on the couch, the second element of this date comes out: remote control sex toys. Whether they’ve got actual remotes or have app-enabled controls, these toys give you the opportunity to play dirty.
Jack up the vibrations on the Pulse Duo Penis Vibrator when your partner is already struggling to concentrate on their cards. Sacrifice some of your own focus to switch up the patterns on the We-Vibe Chorus Wearable Vibe mid-race, then chuck a Blue Shell while they’re distracted. Frustrate them by turning the b-Vibe Rimming Plug down to a slow writhe when they were really getting into it during a Smash round.
Maybe whoever wins gets to call the shots in bed (with consent.) Maybe whoever loses has to be on top and “do all the work.” Maybe the loser has to wear stockings and a butt plug. Maybe the winner gets luxuriously thorough oral, complete with a Man Wand or Finger Vibe to compliment the loser’s busy mouth.
Or maybe there are no specific terms – maybe it’s just an added layer of spice to get you and your partner(s) excited to take the skirmish to the bedroom. Hard kisses, greedy hands, a little bit of trash talking (“it’s too bad you can’t play Halo as good as you can suck me off.”) Maybe it just inspires you to have a hot, fast, frustrated-that-they-keep-beating-you sex between games.
Playful Date: Let’s try something new together.
If you’ve spent a few hours scrolling through Tik Tok, you’ve probably seen some variation of this date. The set-up requires leaving the house, but it’s just a quick trip to your local grocery store.
You’ll be grabbing a snack (like chips or packaged cookies), a box of candy, something to drink, and finally a movie from one of those random display bins by the electronics department. (If your grocery store doesn’t stock movies, you can try a Netflix Random Movie Generator instead – there’s plenty, just google it!) What makes it so much fun is you have to pick everything at random.
Most people walk down the aisle with their eyes closed (assuming you’re not shopping when it’s busy) until their partner says “stop!” That’s their cue to grab whatever they’re closest to. You can also go into separate aisles and text or call to say stop, or simply grab the first item you see that you know you’ve never tried before.
You can veto foods you’re allergic to or straight up not willing to eat. Just like sex, you and your partners’ consent is paramount. But if it’s just a flavor you’re uncertain of or a genre of movie you don’t usually watch, you should still go for it. The (very low stakes) risk is part of the fun.
Trying new things together is both a bonding experience and a breath of fresh air. It’s thrilling to experiment, even with something as small as candy – you’re ditching your routine and assumptions. Who knows, maybe you’ll find your new favorite munchies? Either way you have something new to talk about with your partner(s). Or make fun of together, if the movie winds up bad.
This playful experimentation can be brought into sex as well. Whether you decide to take the plunge and try something new (might I suggest bondage, edging, or puppy play?), or snag a sex toy with features you’re not familiar with (air pulsation, fantasy/monster dildos, foreskin hoods?), do it to have fun. Sex doesn’t have to be perfect or mind-blowing. You can take risks, as long as it’s still safe and consensual.
Betty Butch (they/she) is a queer sex and relationships writer. By blogging about their experiences as a fat, trans, autistic person, they hope to help change the narrative of who has sex and what sex "should" be. Follow them on Twitter and Instagram.