Why You Should Masturbate Even if You're Not "in the Mood"

Not in the mood to masturbate? You’re not alone! A lot of us are feeling less inclined to get off solo these days.

But before you hang up your Magic Wand or toss your Piper Suction Sleeve in a box, let me remind you of a few reasons you might want to give self-pleasure a go anyway.

Just remember that if you don’t want to masturbate, you don’t have to. Plenty of folks live perfectly happy, satisfying, and sex positive lives without masturbation playing a role. But if you find yourself missing masturbation even though you’re not “in the mood,” it might be motivating to remember:

1. Arousal is often a response, not a spontaneous mood.

Many of us don’t bother to grab a bottle of Sliquid and get busy unless the mood specifically strikes. But for many people, arousal isn’t a spontaneous state. It’s a response to something. The ‘something’ varies, but examples include visuals (an erotic scene in a movie, a pair of open-toed shoes, a hot person’s smile), situations (being flirted with, wearing clothes you feel sexy in, getting pinned against a wall), or physical stimulation (getting kissed on the neck, rubbing your crotch, putting on nipple clamps.) What physically turns us on is highly individual, and it can change based on our mood, our age, our circumstances, etc.

That means that you might have to take matters into your own hands (literally) if you miss masturbating. Instead of waiting for the urge to hit you at random, consider creating that urge yourself. Watch or read porn, sext with a play partner, take a relaxing bath with sultry music playing, reminisce about past encounters… whatever works.

And if none of it does? Consider skipping the warm-up and head straight to getting reacquainted with your favorite external sex toy. Maybe that’s the petite, rumbly Noje Mini Wand, or the soft clutch of a Firefly Silicone Stroker, or the deep-reaching massage of the Doxy.

2. Masturbating can help reacquaint you with sexual pleasure.

If I haven’t been having sex or masturbating regularly, I kind of forget how good it makes me feel. The same thing happens when I skip out on my morning exercise or buy frozen vegetables instead of fresh because they’re faster/easier to prepare. The only way to remind myself how much I enjoy it – despite the extra effort it requires – is to just do it again.

Yup: masturbate, because it might inspire you to masturbate more/again.

Don’t feel bad if giving it another shot feels strangely intimidating. Like using a bread maker, if you haven’t done it in awhile, you’ll probably have to take some time to get used to how it works. Just be patient with yourself and your body. Masturbation is about pleasure and relief, not guilt or stress.

3. Masturbation is healthy for you.

From Embracing the Value of Sex and Masturbation: “There are numerous obvious ways in which sexual pleasure is beneficial. It releases dopamine and oxytocin, which improves your mood and relieves stress. It can help with restlessness or trouble getting to sleep (or – in my case – it can help wake you up.) It can lift your self-esteem and body confidence. It can help with pain management, including soothing headaches and menstrual cramps.

There are less talked about benefits, too. Sex and masturbation can boost your immune system, decrease your risk for heart attacks and certain cancers, and sometimes even temporarily alleviate or manage certain symptoms of mental or chronic illness. (Masturbation can help me shake off brain fog, for example.)”

4. It can improve your relationships.

Masturbation is a healthy part of many relationships. Mutual masturbation can be a titillating shared experience, but solo masturbation has benefits too.

Masturbation gives you the space to explore your body and your needs, which makes you better able to articulate them to partners. Desires and boundaries are easier to define and communicate when you’re already intimately familiar with what you want. It’s also easier to teach partners how best to please you when you can show them firsthand. Regular self-exploration also helps you notice your interests and needs as they change over time.

Masturbating can also be useful in your relationship with yourself. Acknowledging that your body is capable of experiencing good things can help bolster your self-esteem. “Masturbation isn’t just a means to an end – it’s an opportunity to experience intimacy with yourself, to appreciate and enjoy your body and all its wonders,” I point out in Fat Self-Love: Making Your Masturbation Body Positive.

5. You deserve to feel good.

In the past few years, we’ve all spent a lot of time talking about – and hopefully indulging in – “self-care.” But those conversations are often just about finding ways to make it through the week. (Something a lot of us are struggling with right now.) While looking after our mental health and physical well-being is important, I think we should be having more conversations about seeking pleasure not just as a balm, but for its own sake.

As a freelancer and disabled person, I spend a lot of time juggling responsibilities. I drop the ball a lot. It’s hard to let myself slow down and do something fun unless I’m doing it specifically to de-stress (so I can then do more work), or as a reward for completing a task. But human beings aren’t meant to live like that. We have the potential to feel so much wonder and joy – and so much pleasure. We deserve to pursue it sometimes without it somehow being tied to productivity.

You deserve to masturbate just because it feels good, if you want to. It doesn’t have to be just because you have work tomorrow and you need help falling asleep. It doesn’t even have to be because you were already turned on. It can be just because it’s pleasurable.