It’s a common assumption that after you’ve decided to have a threesome, and you’ve found your unicorn, everything will be smooth sailing. As a unicorn who’s been on many threesome dates, I can tell you that’s absolutely incorrect. Miscommunication and lack of planning can ruin an otherwise wonderful evening, so I think it’s best to talk with all partners involved beforehand. Here’s what you should consider before a threesome to make it the best experience for everyone involved. 

What You’re Looking For & Why

While this is the first step in my guide, I think it’s the most important question you should ask yourselves before deciding to go looking for a unicorn. Why are you wanting a threesome with your partner? Is it to “spice things up,” explore bisexuality or queerness, or is it a major kink or fantasy for one or both of you? Knowing why you want a threesome can help keep your communication with your other partner(s) effective when entering into a group sex scenario.

Talk together about what type of connection you’re looking for with your unicorn (an ongoing situation, a one-time special occasion) and what qualities you’d like to see in your unicorn. Deciding together before going looking for a third can help make sure you both are on the same page.

Specifics

Deciding what you’re looking for specifically can help you navigate looking for a threesome partner too, as approaching a unicorn with a clear vision of your wants and needs can make them feel more aware of what they’re signing up for. Talk with your partner about what you’d both like to see happen during your threesome; come up with a list of what types of acts, words, and scenarios you’d like to experience.

On the other end of the spectrum, also decide on things you don’t want to happen to assure there’s no boundary crossing! Using a yes/no/maybe list, like this one from Bex Caputo, can help with sex specific planning. Writing out your needs and wants beforehand can help you have the best experience possible!

Don’t forget to talk this all over with your unicorn too, and ask about their own expectations and boundaries.

Safer Sex

Talking about safer sex should be one of your top priorities. Talk about STI statuses, birth control options, and who’s going to be bringing the condoms, dental dams, and lubricant! 

Logistics

Planning a threesome event is also an important thing to consider (it’s not all about sex ya know)! I personally treat threesomes like a date, because I do like to have a good vibe going with the couple I’m with. Decide where and when you’re going to meet (I find it easiest if the couple suggests this). If could be a simple coffee or something extravagant like dinner and an escape room.

After you’ve figured out the pre-date, plan where you’re going to have sex! Many people completely forget this is a step they do need to plan out, as many people don’t have the luxury to host group sex sessions every evening. If you live with kids or roommates, spend some money on a hotel (don’t make your third pay unless they really want to). You’ll also want to check to see if your third will be staying over with you, or if they’ll be going home after your sex session.

All in all, threesome planning comes down to effective communication between all group members! Start a group chat with everyone involved and don’t leave out any details! Threesomes aren’t as effortless as some hookups are (more people equals more emotions to balance), so plan efficiently!

What You Should Consider Before A Threesome is part two of a three-part, threesome series by Red Hot Suz - a Canadian sex blogger, sex toy reviewer, and boss bitch.

Don't forget to read the other two parts of this three-part series:

How to Find the Right Partner for a Threesome

Sex Toys for Threesomes