They tell me September was “Sexual Health Month.” What’s that mean? Well, it’s one chance to think about how sexuality can influence both physical and mental wellness. It’s a broad topic, a complicated topic, maybe even a vague definition—since truly, we all have different needs. How do you figure out your own needs, and learn to best express yourself sexually?
Finding the right headspace can be key: maybe discarding shame about sexuality, and then making it a priority to set aside time to care of yourself and/or your partner. And that involves setting a routine.
It’s interesting: as a toy reviewer, I write about my sexual experience all the time—but I focus on the new things, the hot things. The sexy, not the effort that can go into actually creating the time to relax and decompress physically. And finally release that tension, am I right?!
So I’ll dive into five questions you can ask yourself for a better sexual health routine, to help consider your unique needs and carve out what’s right for you!
One. How Much Do You Need?
In a smooth week, ask yourself: How many times a week, ideally, would you have sex? (Of any kind.)
Answers may range from “Twice a day!” and “Every night, dude” to “Once a week sounds good” or “I’m not really feeling anything right now.”
Drives simply vary by person. Plus stress and busy-ness can cut down on desire as well. So you want to honestly evaluate what would make you feel satisfied right now, and go with that as much as possible. Life does happen, so this is a goal to shoot for, not an obligation.
If you’re in the “Not feeling it just now” camp, it’s smart to make your goal about self-care in general, instead of masturbating or getting it on with a partner. Find what else relaxes you in a physical way: stepping back and taking a walk, a warm bath, a cup of tea, etc., etc.
Two. Who Do You Need It From?
If you’re in a relationship, this is super-helpful to iron out with your partner, who can be involved in your sex routine.
Again, since we have different individual drives, and sometimes they do not align with our partner. So it's important to figure out: Is either of you frustrated because sex isn't going the way you want—whether in amount, or length, or intensity?
If your drives don't match, can you come to a compromise or figure out other ways to be intimate (besides simply sex)? For example, research shows that couples who engage in body massages are 24 to 28 percent more likely to report being sexually "satisfied," and those who shower or bathe together are 29 percent more likely to say the same! Definitely a reason to check out the massage oil or break out the loofah.
Three. What Turns You On?
What moves you from "it's fine I guess" to "I am so ready to go" once you move into sex? This can really help if you're tight on time.
Some folks have more responsive desire than others: they absolutely need someone else to get their spark going; they're unlikely to get randomly aroused on their own.
Porn and other erotic media are one obvious way to add a spark to your routine, giving you new creative scenarios to live out. Whether it's visual porn (of which there are many varieties, artistic levels, and kinks for!), audio porn, even a sexy romance novel if you enjoy imagining scenes in your mind. Or make it more personal: swapping images and/or sexting with a partner.
All to add interest...just like sex toys can, especially if you narrow down what kind of toy you're seeking!
Four. How Do You Like to Play?
So many possible styles, so you may have some exploring to do!
Consider: What’s your favorite erogenous zone to stimulate? Or do you like to change it up, maybe hit a few hotspots at once, in the same session or depending on your mood?
The Peepshow Toys homepage’s “Shop by Pleasure” menu is convenient, because it groups by type of play—so you pick your thing, or browse a few categories. (Rather than being shipped off to, say, “Toys for Women” as some retailers will do to you: What does that mean, really?! Women have lots of different erogenous zones!)
You might be looking for…
- Clit toys: The novelty of a Satisfyer, a power bullet, a Magic Wand...
- G-spot toys: The rumbly vibe of your dreams, the pressure that only a Pure Wand can give, a self-propelled pulsator...
- Anal stuff!: A squishy Egg Plug, a gem for your booty, perhaps a colon snake...
- Penis toys: A better-fitting cock ring, a vibrating stroker...
- Kink, anyone?: Bondage 'n' gags 'n' nipple toys 'n' more!
If you're developing a sex-time routine, toys and other new things (like new positions) are more likely to help you keep coming back for more, and finding more fun. Even when you think you understand your preferences, a new toy can sometimes still surprise!
Five. Where and When Do You Find the Time?
OK, now we’re down to the nitty-gritty: actually carving out the space to indulge your desires, alone and/or with a partner.
It is too easy to get distracted and neglect your own physical needs, especially in busy and/or stressful periods (like most of 2020??).
First, you have to give yourself permission to take a break.
Sure, everyone has duties and deadlines—and sometimes they are very pressing. But when those aren't urgent...your work (or anything else you gotta do) will still be there when you get back an hour later, hopefully feeling refreshed and ready to get all those tasks done.
Stepping away from the computer and taking any kind of break—getting off with a toy, enjoying a walk, zoning out with some music, playing with your favorite hobby—for a little while is likely to make you as or more productive than you would've been without. And feeling less worn-down, too.
Or, you may have a full work schedule and family members to take care of, so your breaks will need to happen early or late in the day. That's OK too!
Whenever you can, take your time: once a day or once a week, for a good long relaxation session. Your health and mental wellness can only benefit.
A sex routine isn't just for fun: it's to treat yourself well! Masturbation and sex can relieve stress, lower anxiety temporarily, boost the immune system, and produce endorphins that give you a productivity boost too.
But only you can decide how much would be best for you, at any time in your life! Taking a moment to reflect on your desires and turn-ons is a sturdy foundation for a routine that makes you feel good.
We hope you enjoy discovering your own unique healthy sex routine...
And once you're there, you may want to liven it up with new positions, new sex toys to test out, new people to watch. Routine doesn't have to be boring.
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By Phallophile Reviews,
Phallophile Reviews explores and ranks body-safe silicone sex toys, from realistic dildos to Womanizer vs. Satisfyer, from G-spot vibes to suction cup positions and more. Or find Phallophile on Insta or Twitter for the latest toy adventures.