Erotic Spanking & Choking: How to Do it Right by Tawney Seren

Author and Sex Educator Tawney Seren weighs in on the how to spank & choke your partner using techniques she finds effective.

Read the transcript

Hey Everybody! This is Tawney here with PeepShow Toys and today I want to talk about how to properly choke and spank with your partner in the bedroom.

So, let's start with choking. It's important to know that there's no real safe way to go about choking in the bedroom, but there are steps that you can take to ensure that it is a safer experience and that you're doing it appropriately so that you aren't accidentally hurting or otherwise potentially killing your partner during this play.

First of all you got the windpipe right at the front of your neck [gestures at 0:27]. At no point during choking of your partner should you apply that direct pressure there and cut off air flow. Do not. Instead, you’ve got the carotid arteries on either side of the neck. The idea is that you are squeezing on those but keeping that little bit of space there, that you're not applying, again, that direct pressure on the windpipe but instead on the sides here so that it's able to cut off a bit of air flow and provide that erotic asphyxiation sort of feel during sex play.

Now before you do this with your partner, there's ways that you can kind of take baby steps. For instance nibbling along the neck, kissing, or even hovering your hand and imprinting on other side of the pillow if your hands large enough to do that sort of play. [These are] ways that you can kind of create the sensation without actually choking your partner.

Another way that I think is very helpful is to do little sprints with your partner.  Just 5 seconds at a time or 10 seconds. Make sure they're not in any way panicked or worried about the situation and that is something they enjoy while also not pushing it too far and potentially having them lose consciousness. So always make sure that you've got a way out. Although, keep in mind during play it may be hard if you're starting to lose consciousness to be able to reflect that you need them to stop. So whether you have some sort of blinking code or a tap or something, there may come a point where you're not able to [verbally ask them to stop]. So always be paying close attention to your partner during play. Make sure that you're not missing those cues, that you practice quite a bit in short sprints, and that you're never holding down long enough that it could really hurt your partner or potentially kill them. It's very important to take choking very seriously.

So let’s get on to a little bit of a more fun one, in regards to less danger, more pain: spanking and proper ways to spank with your partner. If you've got a partner that's bent over and their ass is right in front of you for the spanking, it’s important to know what parts of their body that you're going to want to spank and how.

If you are using an open hand, I tend to cup my fingers slightly at the end so that you’re able to grab and cover a lot more space than a flat hand might do. When you're looking at the butt of your partner, the meatiest parts of the butts the place that you want to put the majority of your spanks. You do not want to go down the back of the legs or up along the back. Those are places that are incredibly sensitive and cannot take as much force as the meat of your bum. I like to think of it as a tattoo. In a lot of places where you don't have too much meat underneath, it can hurt really bad to get a tattoo. Whereas, if you're going to a place that has a bit more meat to it and there's a bit more of that space in there, it's not going to hurt as much. So, make sure that the majority of your spanks are going to the meat of their buns, that you are not spanking their private areas hard. That little area right underneath the ass cheeks is also a great fun place to put you know just a higher percentage of spanks at. But, make sure again that you're not going down the back of the legs or up their back because that's a very sensitive area. Definitely keep it to the meat of the bum.

This is also something that you need to work with your partner on. There’s plenty of different paddles and whips and products that you can use. My personal favorite is the lace paddle from Sportsheets. That one to me is one that can be used in a lot of different places because it doesn't leave behind a really big sting, instead it's just kind of a little dull thud. I feel sometimes that a little bit lower on my bum is a great place for a paddle like that. But, if you have something that's more of a silicone spanker or that's a little bit of a harsher you know sort of feel to it, it's something that you definitely want to work with your partner and communicate how hard they can spank you and steer clear of the private areas when spanking very hard, could be very unpleasant.

Thank you for hanging out with me while I talk to you about proper choking and spanking methods and I hope you have a very fun time with your partner, engaging and exploring these for yourself. Thank you.