Trick and Treat: How to Use Torturous Teasing to Give Better Orgasms

Looking for a frightfully good time? Pass your partner your favorite sex toy and a wartenberg wheel. Let them decide which goes where – and for how long. Trick and treat!

Why Teasing? 

Why indulge in some torturous teasing? Well, if it turns you on, that’s all the reason you need. (Just make sure if you’re doing it with partner(s), it’s a fully collaborative experience.) But beyond being hot, there are some practical reasons to add some extra spice to your next sex session. 

Teasing makes you more sensitive. You may have noticed in the past that if you warm up before doing something, it feels better. Like palming/rubbing your vulva before a partner goes down on you. Warming up through teasing promotes blood circulation (which heightens sensitivity) and better prepares you for subsequent sensation (which makes it easier to notice/process what’s happening sensory-wise.)

Teasing makes you more invested in relief. Orgasms (generally) feel pretty great, right? Orgasms after some edging – that is, intentionally delaying an orgasm to prolong the experience and heighten the sensation/desperation – are often even better. Teasing is a form of denial, and being denied something you want (like pleasure/orgasm/relief) usually makes you want it even more. 

Essentially, teasing – delicious, frustrating, torturous teasing – makes you more aroused, aware, and invested. All that tension results in stronger, more satisfying orgasms. 

How to Torture and Tease

Restraints can make teasing a partner easy. Not only is the consenting “victim” unable to get away (unless they use a safe word, of course), they’re not able to fully reciprocate. For folks who love to touch/pleasure their partner(s), restraints are a tease in and of themselves! 

Bondage restraints, gags, and blindfolds all inhibit someone’s capacity to move, speak, or watch their sexy torturer work. Cock rings and ball stretchers make it difficult for the wearer to ejaculate. These restrictions are torture by themselves, but they also make other methods of teasing more effective. A captured “victim” is a captivated one.  

Sensory play is a classic form of sexual teasing. From dripping candle wax or sliding ice cubes over your skin, to tracing a wartenberg wheel around someone’s chest or genitals, to ghosting fingertips or a tickler over the soles of your feet… playing with the senses is sure to leave you aching for a sensation more solidly pleasurable. 

Using pumps (whether for nipples, vulva, or penises) are a great tease because they get your blood pumping and leave you aroused and throbbing. Depending on your sensitivity, the suction sensation can be pleasurable (but not enough to come), painful, or a squirm-inducing tease. Even worse (better?), while they’re on, you can’t touch yourself. 

Pain play can be as much “tease” or “torture” as you please. Mild ouchies like light spanking, nipple clamps, and overstimulation with wand vibrators offer up uncomfortable sensations in a direct contrast to pleasurable alternatives (like having your nipples licked instead of pinched with clamps.) Heavier hurts like using electro sex toys or sturdy impact toys shock you to the core, forcing you to be fully present while your nerves crackle. Pain makes our skin more sensitive and our emotions more acute, leaving us tender and vulnerable – and horny for release.

When it comes to pain play, “it’s important to play in an environment where safety and consent are paramount. Educate yourself on any activities you want to partake in, and decide how best to handle any risks. Be open with your partner(s), and make sure they’re just as engaged and knowledgeable as you are.”

Edging is when you get to the very edge of orgasm and then stop or slow down to prevent the orgasm from happening. It is, perhaps, the cruelest of teases. Sex toys that use remote controls are often great for this kind of play, because you can literally hand over control to a partner who doesn’t even have to touch you to torture you. If you’re not sure you can stop yourself from coming, toys like underwear vibes, pumps, and vibrating butt plugs are effective teases that provide plenty of pleasure but aren’t necessarily orgasmic on their own. Penis sleeves and extenders can lessen sensation during sex and make it easier to hold back. Edging can be truly torturous!