Six Wedding Gifts That Are WAY Sexier Than A Stand Mixer
by JoEllen Notte
So you’re invited to a wedding! How nice for… someone. If you are anything like me you have been tempted to give the happy couple something a bit sexy but fear that your well-thought-out gift will end up being treated like a novelty “gag” (because “OMG! Someone gave them a VIBRATOR!” is basically a sitcom trope at this point) and never make it out of their closet or, even worse, that you will make the recipients uncomfortable because they feel like you are nosing into their sex life. Well, this year I’m attending a wedding that I’m very excited about and so I’ve given some thought to selecting a sexy gift that people would actually like/appreciate/use even though they are not residents of my sex-toy-filled world AND that doesn’t feel like it would be off-putting. I’ve come up with six top picks that I think fit the bill pretty well! Enjoy!
I couldn’t love the Love is Art kit more! To be blunt, it’s a canvas and paint and the intention is for the happy couple to get down on it, you know, ON IT. I have one of these hanging in my house and the thing is, no one knows what it is unless you tell them and it’s a really special piece of art that I love. Also, the kit itself is really well thought out, with lots of care taken so you don’t trash your home while you are playing porny Picasso.
Really, anything from Liberator could have made this list but I always think the Wedge is the most versatile piece - big enough to be super useful, small enough to not take up a ton of space. It gives them all sorts of options and is useful for the gamut of folks from super vanilla to kinky AF. Liberator also does a lovely job of packaging their products, meaning you can bring (or send) a super fun sex ramp but it will be all subtle and discreet in box that fits neatly in beside the KitchenAid stand mixer.
I’m not sure when this decision was made, but at some point in the history of the human race we all decided to go with “massage” as the official code word for “boning”. So, you know, run with that! Odds are the newlyweds are heading off on some form of a honeymoon and that makes this packaged-for-travel set kind of perfect. I like it because it includes a bottle of lubricant and arousal balm so it bridges the gap between “let’s act like we always massage each other sensually” and “we both know where this is going”
Okay, yeah, it’s a vibrator (more than one, really), but it’s a PRETTY vibrator. Also, the set is aimed at couples which I feel gives it a bit of a “gateway” toy feel. I also like that this set contains both a We-Vibe and a Pivot vibrating cock ring. In my experience, the We-Vibe can be a bit hit or miss, people either LOVE wearing it or are just not into it and vibrating cock rings can be similar. This kit contains both and that gives the couple in question a pretty good shot that at least one of the included vibes will work out for them.
So, this one may not be the most subtle but I’d argue it’s the most practical. Gather up a couple of different lubricants. Maybe even some of those massage oils folks are so fond of, maybe a candle, put them in a basket and- voila!- tasteful sexy gift! Here’s what I would put in there:
Jimmyjane Afterglow Massage Candle (they come in super-yummy scents!)
Organica Kissable Massage Oil - Chocolate
Okay, this one may have the least going for it in the way of visual appeal but kind of wins the game in terms of subtlety and being absolutely certain the recipients end up with something they love/enjoy/use. I recommend gift cards to most folks who are interested in buying sexy stuff for other people because it’s a great way to go there without saddling someone with something that they aren’t into and will never use.
So, there you have it folks! Six of my favorite suggestions for sexy wedding gift-giving. I hope you enjoyed them and, more importantly, I hope the folks you are shopping for enjoy them too!