Mutual masturbation for couples: connection and intimacy

Mutual masturbation is an excellent practice to foster connection and intimacy between partners. So how do we define mutual masturbation? To explain this simply, mutual masturbation can take on a few different forms. One partner can masturbate while the other watches, both can engage simultaneously, or they can alternate on and off. Self-pleasuring with a partner can be one of the most intimate and sexual experiences we share with another person. 

Mutual masturbation can be used as a learning opportunity to show each other what feels good. Showing your partner exactly how you like to be pleasured, by showing on yourself, can teach them more about what gets you off. In this article we will discuss why and how to begin exploring mutual masturbation with your partner. 

First, it’s important to note that some folks may have difficulty masturbating in front of their partner. Overcoming this shyness can take time so be patient! Go as slow as you need to and it’s okay to stop if you’re not comfortable. Keep in mind, most people enjoy seeing their partner in a state of ecstasy. Mutual masturbation is the perfect exercise for this! 

It may even be your partner's fantasy to see you masturbate. You may also realize that you enjoy being watched, this is known as exhibitionism. Enjoying watching your partner masturbate is called voyeurism. This could be an opportunity to learn about each other and pick up a few new tricks! After all, no one knows how to touch you better than yourself, and the same goes for your partner.

How to initiate mutual masturbation 

Initiating mutual masturbation with your partner may seem intimidating at first, but communication is part of having good sex. The willingness to talk about the kind of sex we have or want to have is a key skill. Communication about sex between partners builds confidence and trust. Think about what you would be comfortable with and what things you would be uncomfortable with. Do you want to do this in person or virtually? Use toys? What positions or techniques interest you? Do you feel shy about masturbating in front of your partner? These are all things to map out before having a conversation. 

Once you have an idea about what you want to experience out of a mutual masturbation session, you can begin to ask your partner about meeting those needs. 

An example of what to say can look like, “I really like the idea of mutual masturbation, is that something you would be into trying?”.

Another example would be, “have you heard of mutual masturbation? I’ve been learning about it and I would like to try to incorporate it into our routine!”.

These are just simple examples, you know your partner best. However you choose to communicate this is valid. The first step is to get the conversation flowing. Then you can figure out what you both need for the experience to be successful. 

Reasons to try mutual masturbation 

Mutual masturbation is a form of sexual communication that can be used to open lines of conversation about your sex life as a whole. Participating in mutual masturbation sessions with your long term partner can also lead to more sex. It can sometimes be easy to get into a sexual routine with a long term partner that becomes somewhat boring or lackluster. Navigating a sexual rut is a natural part of long term relationships. In these kinds of situations, introducing something new to the bedroom is always good. Mutual masturbation has an added bonus of being low-key and easy to do. 

Breaking up the routine is one reason to consider mutual masturbation with your partner, as well as broaden your ideas of what sex actually is. Anything that feels pleasurable, sexy, and intimate counts as sex. This includes masturbating with a partner. Mutual masturbating as a complete sexual encounter, can open the doors to accepting what excites and satisfies you may be different from what the world has told you is an acceptable norm. 

Another reason to try mutual masturbation with your partner is, if you have trouble finishing with your partner in the first place. Doing so allows for one partner to focus on what brings the other pleasure, and how they respond to various types of touching. This experience can also build intimacy and strengthen the connection between partners. There is no other sexual experience that offers so many layers of connective potential, as both partners are focusing on their own pleasure in the presence of each other. 

Techniques to try 

There are things that you can do to enhance the mutual masturbation experience for you and your partner. Some of these include: 

  • Stay connected by touching each other or draping legs over each other. Maintaining physical touch can make the experience even more sensual and intimate. 
  • Teasing yours or your partners erogenous zones before or during the masturbation 
  • Teasing yourself or your partner with sensation play, impact toys, or vibrational sex toys

Virtual or in person? 

In person mutual masturbation is not your only option! Especially if you’re in a long distance partnership so you’re not always physically together. You can also use virtual mutual masturbation to spice things up with your live-in partner, there’s really no limits. Virtual masturbation is done in the form of video chatting. Sharing these intimate moments with someone else in a virtual space, can be just as connection strengthening and intimate ass in person sessions. 

It all depends on what all parties are comfortable with, virtual mutual masturbation is another way to deviate from your sexual routine and introduce something new and exciting!

Include sex toys 

Mutual masturbation is the perfect time to bring out your favorite vibrators, dildos, or sensory toys. It also teaches your partner how you use sex toys on yourself, which can teach them how to better use toys on you in the future! Mutual masturbation, like all sex acts, have the potential to become a bit boring over time. Using toys can bring back the excitement to your intimacy. 

Some sex toys to consider include: 

  • Light restraints: you can lightly restrain your partner and pleasure yourself in front of them. 
  • Strokers: penis havers can benefit from using strokers during masturbation sessions. These toys are designed to offer maximum stimulation and pleasure to people with penises. 
  • Butt plugs or prostate stimulation: using a butt plug or prostate stimulator can add additional sensory sensations. Targeting the P-spot may even result in having a blended orgasm. 
  • Dildos: dildos are a great way to add extra sensation via penetration, or even to stimulate oral fixation.
  • Vibrators: vibrators are essential for clitoral orgasms. Using your favorite vibrator can help your partner use it better on you too. Most people with vulvas rely on sex toys and vibrators to masturbate, so this is the perfect time to pull out all the bells and whistles! 
  • Sensory toys: sensory toys such as blind folds, cuffs, rope, and paddles all add various levels of fantasy and excitement. 

Above all, mutual masturbation is the perfect way to extend your sexual routine and create a fun, intimate experience with your partner. Mutual masturbation is an excellent practice when it comes to bringing couples closer together.

It is a unique opportunity to gain education and insight to what really gets your partner off, all while creating a vulnerable and sexy experience. Mutual masturbation can even help you to feel more comfortable and confident during other sexual acts. Happy masturbating!

Author Bio

Lucy Love is an adult entertainer and Sex positive blogger. Her passion is to provide quality education with the goal of helping all people gain the information and skills they need to make the best decisions for themselves about sex and relationships. Find her across all platforms, linked below!


Twitter: sugarrrbabydoll 

Insta: iluvintimacy 

Youtube: lucylovereviews

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