Breaking the Silence: Talking About STIs Without Shame

We’ve come a long way in sexual health and self-pleasure, yet one thing still holds many people back: stigma. Shame around sexually transmitted infections (STIs) remains a powerful barrier in our everyday world. Whether it’s getting tested, seeking treatment, or even talking openly with partners. But silence doesn’t help or protect anyone, and there is no reason to be ashamed about having an STI or testing for an STI.

Why Shame Persists (and What it Costs)

• Internal Shame and Fear
  Many people feel embarrassed or guilty at the thought of having an STI, even though STIs are common and treatable. A study of emerging adults (ages ~18–25) found that many believe that if their community or peers discovered they got tested, they’d be treated differently. That perceived stigma correlates with delaying testing, avoiding disclosure to partners, or hiding health concerns. MDPI
  

• Social Stigma from Others
  Beyond internal feelings, societal attitudes make openness realllyyyyy difficult. In “The Stigma of Sexually Transmitted Infections,” the authors note that stigma reduces willingness to seek care and makes honest conversations with health providers more fraught. PubMed But do you blame people? STIs are still thought of as ‘dirty’ despite that not being the case, and many people grew up with the negative connotations in their peer discussions and in most media.

• Consequences of Silence
  When people wait, STIs aren’t caught early. That can mean more severe health issues, greater risk of transmission, and emotional strain. It also perpetuates myths and misinformation among our peers.

What Professionals Say

“Getting tested for STDs is a basic part of staying healthy and taking care of your body … It’s time for that to change.”
— Gillian Dean, M.D., Senior Director of Medical Services, Planned Parenthood Federation of America futureofpersonalhealth.com

“Emotions such as embarrassment, shame, and guilt play important roles in influencing individuals’ decisions to seek treatment for suspected STIs …”
— Balfe et al., study on self-conscious emotions in sexual health PMC

Getting tested for an STI is a NORMAL and HEALTHY thing that goes along with your self-care. Sex and pleasure are your right, but it’s important to stay safe as you navigate it throughout your life.

How to Talk About STIs (Without Shame)

1. Normalize the conversation
   Use clear and neutral language. Avoid words like “dirty,” “promiscuous,” or any framing that implies blame. Hellooo: STIs are medical conditions, not moral judgments.
   
2. Lead with your own experience or openness
   If you’ve gotten tested, share that. If you are open to talking, say something like, “This is something important to me. I think talking about STI status helps both of us feel safer.”
   
3. Choose when and where carefully
   You don’t have to bring it up in the heat of things. A calm, private moment works better. Sometimes, it helps to schedule a time, “Can we talk for a few minutes about our sexual health, including testing and status?”
   
4. Be factual, empathetic, and honest
   If you have information (like when you were last tested, what that test covered), share it. If you’re not sure about something, say so. If the other person seems nervous, acknowledge that you know conversations like this can feel awkward, that you want both to feel safe and comfortable when having sex with each other.
   
5. Use resources and support
   Many clinics, websites, and sexual health educators offer guides and fact sheets. Using accurate information helps reduce anxiety. Sometimes, having a healthcare provider set the tone matters; a provider who listens without judgment can make disclosure easier.

Changing the STI Landscape

Talking one-on-one is a powerful step, but lasting change requires shifts in how our communities, institutions, and culture approach sexual health as a whole. Stigma thrives in silence,  and the more open, supportive, and informed our environments become, the less space there is for shame and the more space there is for safe sex!

• We need education that doesn’t shame
  Too often, sexual health education skips over STIs or frames them only in terms of fear. Comprehensive education should include not just the facts about transmission and treatment, but also how to have conversations, how to support someone after a diagnosis, and how to move past outdated myths. When young people learn early on that STIs are medical conditions and not moral failings, they grow into adults better equipped to treat themselves and their partners with compassion and understanding during sex.
  
• Respectful healthcare environments
  Imagine going to a clinic and being met with judgmental questions or dismissive looks… it’s no wonder many people avoid getting tested. When providers are trained to approach patients with empathy, respect, and neutrality, people feel safe enough to ask questions and get the care they need. Even a simple change in tone, like saying “many people deal with this, and you’re not alone”, can transform a stressful appointment into a healing one.
  
• Media representation that normalizes
  Movies, TV, and online content shape how we think about health. When STIs are used as punchlines or portrayed as proof of irresponsibility, stigma deepens. But when stories show real people navigating diagnosis, treatment, and relationships without judgment, it sends the message that having an STI is manageable and not the end of intimacy, dating, or joy. Representation matters at all levels!
  
• Supportive policies and access
  Privacy, affordable testing, and easy-to-reach clinics (or at-home tests) make a huge difference. So do policies that protect people from discrimination when they disclose. On a larger scale, communities that prioritize access to resources send a clear signal: your health matters, and you deserve care without fear or judgment.
  

At every level, schools, clinics, media, policy, we have the chance to reshape the conversation. And when those systems back up what we say in our personal lives, the stigma loses its grip even faster.

Don’t Be Afraid of Testing!

At the heart of all this change is the understanding that sexual health and sexual pleasure go hand in hand. A body-safe toy or sex with a partner isn’t just about enjoyment; it’s about knowing your body, caring for it, and honoring your well-being. When we create spaces that encourage openness around STIs, we also create spaces where pleasure can flourish without fear. Breaking the silence means embracing a healthier, safer, and more fulfilling sex life, and that’s something everyone deserves.