6 Tips for Better Foreplay

Like many individuals, I not only love foreplay, but I also need foreplay. Without it, I struggle to enjoy sex. Not everyone struggles this way, just like not everyone needs foreplay. Different strokes for different folks, as they say. 

So what is foreplay? Foreplay is the activity that we enjoy prior to sex. Foreplay can involve kissing, caressing, flirting, biting, pinching, sexting, role-playing, dry humping, just to name a few activities. Foreplay covers a wide variety of sexual activities and there’s no single way of engaging in or enjoying foreplay. 

Foreplay is beneficial for a few reasons: it can help lubricate you or your partner’s vagina, help maintain an erection, and even help prevent premature ejaculation! It can also make sex more exciting as it stimulates the body and brings us closer together to our sexual partners, both physically and mentally. Some other benefits include 

• lowering cortisol, the stress hormone
• Increasing oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin
• Increases feelings of affection and euphoria
• More blood flow to the genitals
• Get to know your partner better

Since foreplay preferences vary depending on the individual, I want to first focus on how to make foreplay better, then share some of my personal foreplay favorites. Let’s take it slow! 

First of all, communicate with your partner. Not everyone needs or wants foreplay, but if there’s an imbalance in someone not getting what their body & mind needs prior to engaging in sex, then that person is not going to have the same positive feelings about the sex they’re having. Talk about likes, dislikes, and curiosities. Throw around ideas of ways your partner can help get you in the mood or how you can get them in the mood. It is important to discuss preferences so that your sex life can flourish.

Second, set the mood. This ranges from creating a sensual environment to engage in sex and foreplay to texting your partner about how excited you are to see them. When it comes to creating a sensual environment, I personally love mood lighting, sexy music, and candles. Try to engage all 5 senses when setting the mood: touch, taste, smell, sight, and hearing. I really love Je Joue’s Luxury Massage Candle because it helps with 2 of those senses: smell and touch. Partnering that with some mood lighting, such as a star projector and/or colorful lighting, and just the tease of the sight and smell senses has my mind lit up with anticipation! 

Third, get to talking! I don’t necessarily mean explicit dirty talk, though you shouldn’t rule that out either. What I mean is be vocal in your pleasure, or lack thereof! Words are a powerful means of positive reinforcement, so if something feels good, tell your partner how it's making you feel. Cheer them on, tell them what a great lover they are, compliment them out loud, and your partner will feel more confident about how to make you feel good. 

Fourth, grab some toys. Toys can easily enhance the senses. Grab a blindfold to heighten the other senses or use a wand first for a relaxing neck/back massage before moving it across your partner’s erogenous zones. If you’re interested in BDSM, a collar, rope or gag are each a perfect way to signal your partner that they should prepare for some fun, building that excitement within them. 

Fifth, try something new. If you’ve never tried giving your partner a massage before sex, try it out! Never tried role-playing? Try it out! Never sexted your partner to tell them exactly what you want to do with them later? Try it out. Don’t be afraid to spice up your foreplay by trying something new, such as spanking, role-playing, sexting, or a sexy game. Afterall, foreplay should be fun, hence the name forePLAY. Of course, if you’re trying something new, check in with your partner before, during and after to make sure that they’re enjoying it too! 

Finally, slow it down. Sure, quickies are fun, but I’m talking about more intimate sex than just a quickie. Kiss them, touch them, undress them, worship their bodies. Slow it down and drive them crazy. By the time you’re ready for sex, they’ll be so worked up that the sex is practically guaranteed to be some of the best they’ve ever had. 

So now that you’ve got some tips on how to have better foreplay, let’s spice it up even more! Here are few of my favorite types of foreplay: 

Kissing, but not just a peck on the cheek or lips. I’m talking full on passionate kissing, or making out. Let your partner feel how desirable they are as you kiss them! If you’re hungry for your partner, kiss them in such a way that lets them know how much you’re craving them. 

“Mindless” Touching while cuddling. While your partner is cuddled up next to you as you watch TV or a movie, gently run your fingers over their bodies, lightly grazing over erogenous zones, every once in a while stopping to give a squeeze or pinch or stroke. Don’t give them your direct attention, but make them feel so wanted that you just can’t help but touch. Bonus points for having a mini vibe hidden in a place that you can quickly pull it out and continue that now enhanced mindless touching! 

Get in touch with your inner exhibitionist by having them wear a panty vibrator or butt plug when running an errand together or having a meal. I’m not talking about going full “When Harry Met Sally” here, but I am talking about having some discreet fun that will build your partner up for your return home. 

I could absolutely go on and give you a full list of my favorite types of foreplay, but even just writing this has me excited to go pounce on my partner. Which reminds me to share this with you: Foreplay is not exclusively for couples or groups! Foreplay can include self stimulation as well, such as writing or edging. Chat with your partner about what you need, listen to what they need, and have fun. Remember, foreplay is PLAY, sharing some giggles with your partner is only going to benefit both of you. 

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Sydney Screams (she/they) is a plus size adult performer, cat parent, and potato enthusiast. She believes in creating inclusive, sex positive content that depicts pleasure in an authentic and fun way, without fetishizing or stereotyping her scene partners. Her goal is to educate her fans, colleagues, and friends that pleasure and love are for everyone, regardless of gender, size, sexuality, disability, or race. Follow Sydney on Twitter, Instagram, and her blog.